Relax! Have Fun! Be A Bum!: Lazy vs Productive Me

Photo by Kate Stone Matheson on Unsplash

Aww crap! Here we go again. I’m tired of this. But I’m not scared. I’m always one step ahead.

Last month you started watching YouTube videos.

Last week you read that book.

All that failed so then you paid money to go to a seminar. Our money! We could’ve gone to Vegas and finally win back our money from the casinos, but no. You had to waste our hard-earned money. For what? To listen to some asshole who isn’t even that successful tell us how to live our life?

You think you’ve got this covered but wait and see. “Take control,” he told you. I’ll show you who’s in control.

Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

Sigh. Stupid alarm. I wonder if I can ignore it for the next three hours?

That’s not gonna happen. That’ll mess up my sleep.

Ow! My foot! You put all sorts of crap in the way so we would need to turn on the lights, did you? OK, lights on and alarm off. Now let’s get back to… Is that another alarm? Oh yeah, you set three alarm devices so we would be sure to wake up from all the walking. Why on earth do you keep doing this to us?

So the alarms are off and the lights are on. What’s next?

That’s easy, let’s get back to bed.

Wait a minute, not this again. You have your goals to achieve. Let’s get to work.

Yeah but we’re tired. Five more minutes won’t stop our goals and it’ll feel good. Look how warm the bed is.

Nope, if I do that I’ll just end up oversleeping as usual. Besides, five minutes of sleep will only make me feel more tired.

But we deserve our rest. We work hard. Look at all we’ve accomplished. We’ll reap the rewards someday, in an easier way. Besides, studies show that lack of sleep leads to a weak immune system and a loss of brain productivity.

Sleep is an important part of staying healthy and optimal. But wait, I went to bed at 8 am. I got more than enough sleep. It’s time to exercise, meditate, make a healthy breakfast and all the other things that Guru Possi Babbl said.

You stupid, Guru Possi Babbl is probably under his King-sized quilts snoozing in Mambi Pambi land right now, which he paid for with our money by the way. Besides, what kinda dumb con man name is that?

Whether or not Guru Possi Babbl practices what he preaches is not my concern. All I know is that his techniques work and I can reap real benefits from them?

Yeah I agree with you but we already wasted too much time deliberating so we’ll start tomorrow with a clean slate.

Nice try but I made myself a promise and I’m sticking to it.

(Sigh, time to bring out the big guns. If you’re determined not to sleep, let’s at least do something I wanna do) When last have we had sex? Way too long. Remember that time we read that sex is vital for health and blood pressure and preventing cancer and stuff? I bet we have some cancer cells forming down there. Let’s go masturbate.

It has been a while. Wait no, you can do that after if you must.

OK, your loss. But feel how cold the morning is, and how warm our body is, especially down there. If I don’t find me sexy, who else will? Have some fun. Think of all you missed out on in the past. Remember that movie with the hot lead? Don’t you wish you were the co-star? I know they got some new videos on that website by now. There we go…. Problem solved.

Ehh, we can start our journey to overall health tomorrow, or next Monday. No use starting in the middle of the week.

I’m glad we’re on the same page.

An engineer with a multitude of interests

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